January 18, 2018 Dad

That’s Just Not Cool!

It’s been a bit of a tough day.

Being a parent of an Aspie, your day can go off-the-rails in a matter of minutes….. rather seconds.  It’s been quite some time, but today became that day.  Mom & I are self-employed, and work together.  This mornig i walked in to mom’s office to ask her a question about a project we’re working on, her response, “Not now, i’ve got bigger things to focus on”, “R just text me to say”…….. (buckle up for this one, it’s a doozy.  seriously, this will be difficult for me to even type)

“So-and-so is telling other kids at school that she feels sorry for my parents because i have Autism”


Yep, work day immediately goes   and stress level rockets 

I must say, mom is spectacular!  She’s 20+ texts, back-forth, with our daughter.  Mom’s not panicking, she’s asking question after question.  Turns out the 1st text from our daughter was simply asking mom if she’d take her out of school for lunch.  Mom gets the “just because” response, but keeps digging with her questions, and finally our daughter tells her what i’ve highlighted above.  Now it’s on!

Emotions are stirring, tears are welling up in eyes, as mom and i sit in her office as she continues to probe for more information.  Who’s saying this?  I thought you guys were good friends?  Why’d she say that?  What did you say?  How did you feel when she said that?  Have you talked to any of your other friends about what was said?  They laughed when she said that???  Have you told any of your teachers?  Oh, you talked to Mr. Math Teacher about it, what did he have to say?  What do you think about his idea of telling the school administrator?  What do you think would happen if we did that?  Okay, we’ll think about it.  Who can you sit with at lunch?  Can you go to Mr. Science teachers class for lunch, like other kids do?  Why do you think kids will make fun of you if you eat lunch in Mr. Science teachers room? ……. and so on, and so on…….  “Daddy and i are not embarrased about Aspergers, and you shouldn’t be either.  You are a great kid, and we are so proud of you.”

Finally, mom and i decided we had just enough time to leave the office to get home so mom could take our daughter out of school for lunch.  I could work from home.  (and share this post)  They’re away at Chick-fil-a right now.

While mom and i drove the 20 minutes home, she shared with me more details.  Apparently this stuff was happening yesterday, and mom asked our daughter why she didn’t come to us yesterday.  She said it was manageable yesterday, and that’s when she also talked to the Math teacher.  But it was getting out of hand today, and more ‘friends’ were making fun of her and her parents.  So she had to tell mom.  There are so many emotions in that:

  • Proud she was able to weather the storm, and not immediately hit the panic button
  • Sadness for her that she had to weather the storm at all
  • Impressed she thought, on her own, to seek a teacher’s advice
  • Anger that kids in middle school are so mean
  • Frustration because we can’t protect her every minute, from everything
  • Anxiety becasue this is likely what the rest of her life will be like (full of close-minded people)
  • Confused because some of her close friends are the one’s saying these things
  • Thankful she has open conversations with mom!

We have club volleyball practice tonight (I’ll share at some point just how spectacular this years’ coach is with our daughter)  so mom text the coach to let him know what’s going on today, and we don’t know if it will have an effect on her attitude during practice.  Just a quick heads up.  He knows about the Asperger’s, and has been awesome.  His response was…..


“That’s just not Cool!”

, “why do kids have to be like that?  Thanks for the heads up, but don’t worry, i’ll get her laughing and having fun at practice tonight”.


Is that aweome, or what?


Please don’t be disappointed with us, we are doing the best we can for you – Love Dad

Comments (2)

  1. JB

    Another powerful post as I comment with tears in my eyes. Why are kids so mean? You should be proud of your daughter for the way she handled this situation and just as proud of yourselves for giving her the tools to work through it. You’re both doing a great job.

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